Marriage Monday

 A few weeks ago I had a very, very depressing week. Philip was coming home from work and going straight to the bedroom and completely ignoring the family. Philip had absolutely no interaction with the family. I would walk by the bedroom and the door was always closed. I didn't even want to be in this house. I tried to go on like normal. The girls never questioned Philips behavior so I never talked about it with them. I wasn't eating, I deeply missed being with my Mom and Dad, and didn't have energy or the motivation to do much of anything around this house. On Wednesday morning I was going back and forth in my mind of weather or not I should or wanted to go to bible study. I had not read the chapter or done my homework. My group was designated to bring an Italian dish and I had not prepared one. My friend called me and asked if I would take her daughter to bible study and drop her off in the nursery. I agreed and that meant I would have to go now to the study. I stopped at the shopett and bought donuts to share with the group (that had nothing to do with an Italian dish) I went to my study and I usually participate and give my opinions and or thoughts about what we studied the week before. This time I was just quiet and didn't feel like participating. I just listened to the other women comments. After the study had ended my group facilitator came up to me and asked if everything was okay. I wanted to burst out in tears when she asked me that question. I felt a HUGE lump in my throat. I tried my hardest to put a smile on my face and say with a clear non-shaken voice, "My husband just needs lots of prayer. I put my prayer request in the Prayer Request Book". I had succeeded. I didn't want to break down in front of her a cry. I didn't want her to know how emotionally drained and hurt I was. I picked up Moriah from the nursery and very slowly walked to my car. I knew Philip was home and still in bed asleep. I didn't want to be around him. I didn't want to be in my house. I just wanted 1pm to come along and was hoping he would go to work after the lunch hour. If I could just find things to do until 1pm then I would not have to see him or be around him. I took Moriah to eat at the food court. She began to get fussy and I knew she was tired, but I didn't want to go home yet. Just 1 more hour and it would be 1pm. I went to mail a box to my friend. It had been sitting in the car ready to be mailed for weeks. I then went to go check the mail at the CMR. While I was checking the mail I received a text message from Philip, "We have a marriage counseling appointment at 1pm." I thought, "He must have made this appointment because someone told him it was mandatory", "Maybe he is doing this just to get it in his medical record", "Why is he telling me 1 hour before the appointment". "When did he make this appointment"...Then I began to think, "I don't want to go to marriage counseling especially if it is mandatory for his records." Maybe I will just ignore his text, go home after 1pm and miss the appointment completely". I decided I would go, whatever the reason behind the appointment. I wanted Philip to hear AGAIN that his actions and lack thereof were hurting me, draining me, soaking up all my motivation, stressing me out. I had not communicated with him or he with me in days! I text Philip back and told him I would be home in 5 minutes. I was going to sit in the car and wait with Moriah until he came out to the car. I didn't want to be in the house with him. Just being in the house depressed me. I was surprised when Philip came walking out of our building as I pulled into our parking spot. He got into the car and after a few seconds I asked him why we were going to marriage counseling. He replied with, "We need it".  When we checked in and sat down with the counselor the first question he asked me was how was I feeling and I broke out in tears....
That evening Philip came home from work and sat down on the couch with me. He interacted with all 3 girls and I. That evening was wonderful! My spirit was lifted and I was hopeful. I was happy again.
It's been a few weeks since this and Philip is doing a lot better (I am too) He is eating dinner at the table with us every evening, washing dishes and/or giving Moriah a bath. This weekend we went to the Alps in Garmish, Germany. We had a wonderful weekend. Philip seemed so relaxed and calm. Because of this I was calm and relaxed as well. Over the last few weeks I think I need to work on myself and my attitude and my reactions. I need to have more patience and need to work on other traits in my personality. I think if I work on changing somethings within myself I will begin to see changes in Philip as well. It's so hard at times But with God's help I know it can be done.

Halloween 2010!

Holloween fell on Sunday this year. The girls and I went to church and bible class. We went to eat lunch at the food court and did a little shopping at the PX. At about 5pm the girls began getting into their costumes. Allison was a Candy Corn girl again this year. She wore the same costume from 2 years ago. Joslyn was a Disco Girl. She too wore the same costume from a few years ago. The costumes were a little tighter and shorter then they were a few years ago, but the girls didn't seem to mind. Moriah was an Angel. She was cute (as always!) Trick-or-treating began at 6pm in our neighborhood. Joslyn went trick-or-treating with her friends. Philip and I took Moriah and Allison trick-or-treating for about 30-45 minutes. WE all went to the Chapel for the Harvest Fest. Allison and Moriah had a lot of fun jumping in the bounce houses. Allison played a few games and we all had hotdogs with chips. Lots of fun for everyone!

Halloween Cupcakes!

A few days ago the girls made Halloween cupcakes. The only thing I did was buy the ingredients, mix the cake mix and pour the cake batter into the cupcake holders. Joslyn and Allison did everything else! They took the peanut butter from out of the middle of the oreo cookies and smashed the oreo cookies into crumbs.

Making the cake batter orange and black.

I poured the cake batter into the muffin holders and put the cupcakes into the oven. After the cupcakes came out of the oven and were cool the girls spread frosting on all of them and dipped the cupcakes into the crushed oreos to give the dirt effect. Then they added "spiders" to the top of every cupcake. The spiders where black gumdrops.

They are soooooooooo delicious! Good job Joslyn, Allison and Moriah!

Joslyn went on a field trip today with her 6th grade classmates. They traveled to another town about 1 hour away from Schweinfurt. Joslyn took my camera with her and took some really good pictures of the trip. They went to see a castle, an old German school house and went on a nature walk.


                                                     The beautiful country side on the way to Ashbach

                                               sitting in an old German school house

                                                                  German writing

                                      Sitting by a statue in the castle court yard

                                                             The castle court yard

Marriage Monday

I know it's not Monday, but I'm still going to blog about my marriage. In my Wednesday morning bible study group we are working through the book and study guide, Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts

I am learning a lot about God's sovereignty. So far the chapter that has really touched me is chapter 4: God's Sovereignty over People
I already knew that God works in the hearts of people, however it was encouraging to read in more depth how God works in our hearts to fulfill His purposes. As I was reading chapter 4 I thought of Philip, my husband. I saw many changes in his personality and his priorities when he came back from Iraq last year. Even when we moved to Germany in 2008 I saw some changes in Philip. However it seems that these past few months Philip has taken a HUGE step backwards. It looks like Philip is falling in a downward spiral into a pit. He knocks my faith in God, the church body, and religion. He is drinking again (I must say that he is not drinking nearly as much as he was a few years ago, before we moved to Germany. Philip was drinking until he passed out EVERY weekend. He only drinks once every other weekend or so. Philip does not drink in our home like he did a few years ago.) Philip does not participate in as many family activities as he once did- when he first came home from Iraq. His attitude and out look on life has turned sour. I have Philip on the prayer list and all the women in bible study group are praying for him. I will continue to pray for Philip, his heart, mind and his soul. It can be so hard to pray for Philip at times when he hurts my feelings emotionally. Its hard to pray for Philip when he disconnects from our family and just locks himself up in our bedroom. I want to pray for him, but I feel so unloved, unappreciated, not wanted and a burden to Philip. After reading chapter 4 and soaking up what I had read. I think I am beginning to think that I need to work on my attitude and the way I respond to Philip. This is a BIG challenge for me. I will need every bit of God's help. I know that as I work on my attitude towards Philip, I can then be a better light of God to Philip. This will be a hard especially when Philip ignores the girl's and I but goes out and drinks ALL night with his friends. It will be hard to not give him the silent treatment, the cold shoulder or yell at him for his teenage/ childish ways. It will be hard to not throw the "D" word out to him (Divorce). I am going to need lots and LOTS of encouragement and prayers for both Philip and I!
Proverbs 21:1 "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases".

A Night I Will Remember!

Last night everything around the house was stirring about as normal. Joslyn was practicing on her flute, Allison was finishing up her homework on kitchen table, Moriah was climbing onto the kitchen table chairs (she recently figured out how to get onto the chairs and will climb onto the table top) and I was talking on the phone with my mom. My neighbor came over and asked me if I would like to go out for a evening walk with her. I gladly accepted the invitation! While we were on our walk her dog got off the leash and attacked another, much smaller puppy. The puppy was rushed to the emergency vets office and the Military Police were called. A report was made. After information was given and information was taken I came back home. I shared the story with the girls. I walked to my room where Philip was. I was telling Philip about what had happened during my walk with the neighbor. Joslyn and Moriah were behind me and Allison was in the shower. Moriah was trying to make her way into Joslyn's room (we do not like Moriah in Joslyn or Allison's bedrooms, because she gets into everything and always finds something small to put in her mouth). Joslyn closed her bedroom door not noticing that Moriah's little fingers were in the the crack off the door, where the door hinges are, and the door frame. Joslyn closed the door on Moriah's pinkie finger. I open the door and scooped Moriah up into my arms. I took one look at her finger and saw her finger was smashed flat! I was horrified! I was screaming at Philip, I did not know what to do. I opened the phone book and looked for the phone number to the ambulance. When I called the number of course a local German answered the phone and only spoke German, so I hung up on him. I grabbed a blanket, wrapped Moriah up, had Joslyn grab my purse and car keys and Joslyn and I took Moriah to the ER. I wan't Joslyn to come with because she was so scared and so upset that she closed the door on Moriah's little finger. I wanted Joslyn to see that Moriah was going to be okay, and  I did not want Joslyn to have to stay home and worry her little heart away.
I prayed the entire way to the ER.
When we arrived at the ER the doctor came out right away. I explained to him what had happened. The Doctor had the X-ray Technician come  in and she took Moriah and I around the corner into the x-ray room. She took 2 x-rays of Moriah's finger. We were then escorted to a bed to wait for the results. Less than 5 minutes later the Doctor came in and let us know that her finger was not broken! I was so relieved! Through out the ordeal I tried to reassure Joslyn that this was an accident. I told Joslyn I loved her and everything would be okay! I was happy Joslyn was with me when the Doctor confirmed that her finger was not broken. The nurse tried to wrap Moriah's pinkie in a bandage wrap, but Moriah pulled it all off with in a minute of it being put on her. The Doctor told us everything was just fine and I could give her tylenol for the pain. We were then released. We were in the ER no more that 30 minutes! AMAZING! God was all over this situation!
When we got home Moriah and I laid down with Joslyn in her bed and I prayed over Joslyn. She was so shook up from what had happened. I wanted to help give her peace. I prayed out loud over Joslyn and Moriah fell asleep while I was praying for Joslyn. I took Moriah and placed her in her crib. I then climbed back into bed with Joslyn and ran my fingers through her hair until she feel asleep.
I am so thankful for the many blessing God blessed us with in this situation. He is wonderful! I thank you Lord for holding Moriah in your hands and keeping her from great danger!

Happy Fall Y'all!

It's been a little hard for me to get into the Fall spirit. With Fall comes shorter days (it will start getting dark at around 5pm), less sunshine, and winter is just around the corner. I don't like the winter over here at all! I bought a couple of candles. One is a Spiced Pumpkin scented candle and the other is a Autumn leaves scented candle. I'm still not much into the Fall spirit even when my home smells like things of fall! I really like the "fall weather" in San Antonio. It's not too cold in San Antonio and I don't have to worry about snow and the bitter cold of the winter that hits most other states.
On Thursday our family recorded our Holiday Greeting that will air on local TV channels across south TX  beginning Thanksgiving day and show through  New Years Day! 
Allison and Joslyn were finally able to see the movie Ramona and Beezus at our local movie theater here on post last weekend. They really enjoyed the movie. It was a cute little flick.
I started a new bible study on Sunday morning called Apologetics  for a New Generation . From this study I hope to learn how to better defend my faith and become more effective in my witness to others. To become salt and light to others. We are reading chapter 2 this week.

Joslyn, Allison, their friend Alisha and I went to see Kris Allen in concert. Kris Allen won season 9 of American Idol. He is on a Support the Troops tour and Schweinfurt was one of his stops! Philip stayed home with Moriah.

Thursday night we went to Philip's company meeting. Everyone was encouraged to wear a costume (however the FRG leaders who encouraged everyone to wear costumes did not wear costumes themselves. I thought that was strange) The company raffled off a few pieces of crystal. We didn't win any :( I forgot to take pictures of everyone in costumes, no worries though. I will take lots of pictures on Halloween night. Philip and the girls are off this Monday in honor of Columbus Day. I am not sure what we are going to do for the 3 day weekend other than church and bible class of course. Maybe I will go shopping for some Fall decorations or a Fall like center piece for the dinning room table.